Reviews

I had my 90 day review - 120 days after I started working...small details. The worst thing about a review is that they criticize every little thing about your work. I have had reviews before. I have always gotten "exceeds expectations" on at least a couple of things, and then "meets expectations" on others. So, not because I am cocky but because I pride myself in my work, I was expecting some "exceeds expectations." I didn't get any. I actually got some "needs improvement" ouch...ok. That hurt my pride. It was on takes initiative and my dress. I just went out last month and got new clothes and they have complimented me on them non stop. It hurt that they said I don't take initiative because I have learned my job, the teller job, and I do the RBO's (my supervisor) job when she is out...after 4 months and no experience in banking. So I'm not too sure how much more initiative they would like me to take. I have decided that I'm going to take this as a wake-up call. Maybe I am not taking enough initiative. Maybe it is because I hate my job. I'm not sure, because I have always, always made sure that my work is a reflection of me. I want people to see my work and see something different - I want them to see that I don't cut corners, I don't cheat, that it is trustworthy, and reliable...because that's what God calls me to do.

I have been trying and trying to glorify God while in this position and it just isn't working. I am thankful that I have a job that pays my bills, I am thankful that I have enough money to eat, I am thankful that I have health insurance that is so good. I have tried to put God in my work and it just feels like it's not working. I'm really discouraged. Anybody have any ideas or pointers? As an outsider looking in, what do you think? At this moment I feel like my head boss has been acting two-faced, saying she is proud of my work and that I look very nice in my outfits and then having my direct supervisor put it on my evaluation that my clothes are not nice enough and I am not taking enough initiative. My job has been a constant struggle since I started here. I'm trying to keep my heart open and try to get what God's teaching me..."sometimes you have to do things you really don't want to"??? I don't know!

Give me Your eyes Lord.

I love this song by Brandon Heath!

Looked down from a broken sky

Traced out by the city of lights

My world from a mile high

Best seat in the house tonight

Touch down on the cold black-top

Hold on for the sudden stop

Breathe in the familiar shock of confusion and chaos

All those people goin somewhere, why have I never cared

Give me your eyes for just one second

Give me your eyes so I can see,

Everything that I keep missing,

Give your love for humanity.

Give me your arms for the broken-hearted

The ones that are far beyond my reach.

Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.

Give me Your eyes so I can see. Yeah.

Step out on the busy street

See a girl and our eyes meet

Does her best to smile at me

To hide what's underneath.

There's a man just to her right

Black suit and a bright red tie

Too ashamed to tell his wife he's out of work, he's buyin time

All those people goin somewhere, why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second,

Give me your eyes so I can see,

Everything that I keep missing,

Give me your love for humanity.

Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted

The ones that are far beyond my reach.

Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.

Give me Your eyes so I can see.

I've been there a million times.

A couple of million lives,

Just movin past me by, I swear I never thought that I was wrong.

But I want a second glance, so give me a second chance

to see the way you've seen the people all along.

Funny story

Oh my word...so, let me tell you a funny story. I had a staff meeting at the main branch this morning (with the president of the Florida branches...the big high ups.) Well, for halloween we get to wear jeans and a halloween shirt, or our reliance t-shirts! I was so excited, because as you know...people who work at banks have to dress nicely. Well, last night Chris said "It doesn't make any sense that you guys are wearing jeans tomorrow because halloween is NEXT friday" I thought "he has a good point" and I was going to put a dress in the car JUST IN CASE it wasn't today. But this morning I forgot to put the dress in the car so I showed up at the main branch in jeans, an orange shirt with a black undershirt, and tennis shoes. I got there about 15 minutes early so I decided to sit in my car for a little bit. It was at this point that I noticed several other employees walking into work...DRESSED UP! and I though "umm that doesn't seem right." So, after seeing about 3 people dressed in normal work clothes, I called my branch to ask if they are 100% sure it is THIS friday not next. They said "Yes, we're sure" they even called me this morning to remind me. So I said "Well, you wouldn't mind double checking the e-mail for me, would you?" Needless to say it is NEXT friday that is jeans day! I could have gotten in a pretty fair amount of trouble for showing up at a staff meeting in jeans and tennis shoes. More likely than not I would have been sent home for the day w/out pay and there would have been a record put in my file. So, my boss said "DO NOT GO IN!!!!!!!" Oh fun times, fun times. I'm so glad I didn't go in, it would have been embarrassing!!

HIDE ME!

Hey, I think I made this so only people who follow my blog can see this, is that right?? The guy from work wants to look for me on here and I REALLY don't want him to find me. He can be kinda hard on people and I don't want him knowing about my personal life.

Do not worry about tomorrow...for tomorrow will worry about itself.

That's my life verse - Matthew 6:34. I'm trying so hard to remember it during the stressful time before the wedding. IT'S HARD! I'm trying to budget my money and the money for the wedding and it's not working too well. I thought I was doing an AMAZING job with the wedding money until Chris and I realized it's going to cost about $600 in hotel charges alone for the honeymoon. We're going to have to eat light when we are there!! Between those costs, gas, and neither of us getting paid for a week, things will be tight. I'm trying not to stress because it's our honeymoon, and we only get this once...but $600 for hotel rooms?!? gesh...it just sounds like so much to me. We could use it on so many other things. Oh well.

Work is getting hard. The people here say such mean things about everybody behind their backs! I just sit at my desk and tune them out most of the time. This morning I was so upset though! We do interviews of all the employees here, adn then post their answers on the company website. One of the questions is "Who is the most influential person in your life?" the woman's answer "Jesus. I now have a purpose and meaning to my life." They sat there and made fun of her! My boss FINALLY stepped in and said "to each his own." I should have said something and I am ashamed that I didn't. Romans 7:15 says it best "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." They all know I am a Christian, I just sat there in shock...and then anger that they were making fun of her for saying that. Why do they feel the need to put everybody down!? I don't even want to know what they say about me behind my back because I talk about God and church and how important it is to me.

On the plus side - I'm feeling better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After one day on antibiotics I'm feeling almost 100%. We will see in four days when I come off the antibiotics if this one works.

Oh! God is so good! One of the customers of my bank has a granddaughter who has been fighting for her life since she was born 4 months ago. Every time he comes in he gives me updates and I always say I'll pray for him. The updates are never good news, and it's always heartbreaking. I have cried over this little life more than once because it is so, so sad. When she was born she didn't have the right number of valves in her heart. The doctors said it was amazing that she was even born. She has had 4 open heart surgeries and after each one has gotten worse. She was on a ventilator for several weeks, then they put her on a heart/lung machine for the past ten days. They have her on the donor list for a new heart. ANYWAY - he came in today and I was expecting another very sad update but the second he walked in he said "You must have some connections with the Man upstairs" and I said "Oh yeah, why's that?" and he said that they took her off the breathing and heart machine this afternoon and she's doing really well!!! It had only been 2 hours but they said before they took her off that they should know right away whether or not they would have to put her back on. Anyway, this man is extremely nice and one of my favorite customers. God has used this situation to open doors. He and his family are more open to the reality that there is a God now. Please pray for the baby, she's adorable but it's so sad to see pictures of her because her chest is open and there are tubes coming out of everywhere. She weighs about 8 pounds at 4 months, but the doctors seem pleased with how she is doing this afternoon. If she survives it will be a miracle. But then...our Lord is in the business of working miracles.

Slow Fade

Casting Crowns is an incredible group. I don't know if you've heard this song but it touches my heart every time it comes on the radio.

Slow Fade
Casting Crowns

"Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands
As darkness pulls the strings

Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you
That are sure to follow

It's a slow fade
When you give yourself away
It's a slow fade
When black and white are turned to gray

And thoughts invade, choices are made
A price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

It's a slow fade
It's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattering leads to compromises
The end is always near

Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises
Leave broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade
When you give yourself away
It's a slow fade
When black and white are turned to gray

And thoughts invade, choices are made
A price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking...

...People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh, be careful little eyes what you see
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
So be careful little eyes what you see."

What's worse than bridezilla?

A sick bridezilla! Ok, seriously though - I hope I am not being bridezilla...I don't want to be at all!!

Not much is going on in the hot state of Florida. I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow, I can't seem to shake this infection and the doctor believes it may be a sign that something else is going on. I finally broke down and made an appointment with an ACTUAL doctor - not just the urgent care. They said we may give the antibiotics one more shot and then if they don't get rid of the infection we'll do tests. I guess I'll find out for sure tomorrow. I've always had a horrible immune system and if it's possible to catch something - I WILL! Anywho I'll be happy when they figure out what in the world is going on with my body. What a time for this to happen.

Wedding plans are coming along quite well. Chris' dad keeps inviting people and then telling us we need to send them an invitation...there are like 5 weeks left until the wedding, they cost $1.00 to send, plus I'm out of supplies so I have to buy more. So, for the few invitations he wants us to send to people we don't even want there it'll cost a good bit. I don't mean to sound cheap but we are BROKE right now and that money is going to food! I'm trying not to stress about this stuff but I really, really don't want a big wedding!!!!! It looks like that's what's going to happen no matter what.

I think I'm just in a very grumpy mood!!!!

On the positive side I'm doing a lot better at remembering how amazing God is and how He cares about every hair on my head...and He also cares about my stress over the wedding. I need to trust Him more and know that He won't give me more than I can handle. I always joke "God thinks I can handle more than I can!!" but the truth is - God knows exactly how much I can handle...but I have to lean on and depend on HIM to get through it. Teach me, Lord.

Uh oh

Ummm I got a notice saying they think my blog is a spammer blog, and that it has been suspended until further research is done. So, I don't know if you can read this or not but I don't know why in the world it would say that.

Anywho, I was going to write something but now I can't remember what...lol it surprised me!!

*sigh*

Well, I got sick again. AGAIN! I think stress has a lot to do with it 'cause I have been really stressed out. I took my medicine on an empty stomach this morning - B-A-D idea! I thought I was going to throw up all morning long, and that is not a pleasant feeling. It's an even worse feeling when you are at work with roaches! Yes, roaches - they are everywhere here :(. When Chris and I were painting my apartment I took the cover off the vent and a little one fell out. Luckily it was dead but ewwwww all the same. I'm going to get a bug bomb and set it off this weekend just in case. I do not do roaches.

Well, not much has been going on with me so that's all for now.